Distortions

I've now listened to the BBC Radio versions of LAST, ILLU, and BLAN. Bert Coules wrote the first two of them, while another dramatist Roger Danes wrote BLAN. These adaptations depart quite a bit from the original stories, and not for the better.

I was prepared to find LAST sad and nostalgic in the usual "there's an East Wind coming" way, but Bert Coules made it fucking depressing by writing that Watson hasn't seen Holmes in ten years other than one weekend visit to Sussex. One. Coules has reduced "an occasional weekend visit" to one only, and he implies that Holmes's lack of invitations is the reason it's only been once. (Whereas in the "Lion's Mane" story, Holmes implied that Watson's absence was because he was busy in his life, not that Holmes didn't want to see him.) So that's an unhappy distortion of their drifting apart. We find out this info because Watson meets with Stamford at a New Year's 1914 party and agrees to give some public talk on Sherlock Holmes to some young doctors. Watson confirms to them that Holmes is retired to beekeeping, but he thinks Holmes is just going through a phase; he'll ache for brain work again and eventually unretire himself.

Then in August, Holmes suddenly contacts Watson to meet and bring his new motorcar. They actually have lunch in Harwich, hours before their expedition tonight, and Holmes explains the case he's been working on for 2 years. There's no mention of Holmes having a horrible goatee or an accent, or anything, as if to preserve the surprise in the story. Meanwhile, in other scenes, a different, clearly American, actor plays Altamont B. Kelly, an Irish immigrant smuggling guns and commiting other crimes in Buffalo, New York. He gets recruited to work for a mysterious guy in England. Holmes tells Watson about the Prime Minister and Foreign Secretrary coming to Sussex to recruit him for a mission, which he initially refuses. Then in London, Captain Vernon Kell (apparently a real person), explains that the new spymaster is a spider in the web just like Moriarty; even if Holmes cannot stop the coming war, he can take down this guy and maybe make the war easier to win. So Holmes reluctantly agrees to go. At lunch with Watson, Holmes finally reveals the twist in this adaptation: Altamont is a real person that Holmes shadowed in Buffalo for six months; when Altamont traveled to Britain to meet Von Bork, he got secretly arrested and held by Captain Kell, while Holmes assumed Altamont's identity to become part of Von Bork's spy network. Thus he worked to feed misinformation and take out Von Bork's agents. At 10 pm, Holmes and Watson travel to Von Bork's house just as Baron Von Herling leaves in his car. We glimpse Martha the housekeeper, and Holmes presents his beekeeping book to Von Bork before chloroforming him. He and Watson celebrate by drinking, then stuff Von Bork into the car to wait.

One last quiet talk about "an East Wind coming", but Coules won't leave that terrace talk alone. He has to add more, with Watson saying that he'll try to do his part in the war, by training new doctors or something. He asks if Holmes will aso do more jobs now that he's come out of retirement. But no, Holmes very firmly says he's done with the world. No more jobs, no more cases; he's a relic and an anachronism. Holmes emphasizes that so much that it even dampens LAST as a "one final hurrah" adventure between the friends. What the hell? Can't we even enjoy the reunion between friends and imagine that maybe they decide to visit each other more often now? No, you have to spoil it with your bitter Holmes who hates the modern world so much that he'll sacrifice being in Watson's life too. Now I dread what Coules will do in LION, when I get to it. Doyle's Casebook stories imply that Watson is drifting from Holmes simply because he's married and still working in active practice; his hours aren't the same as Holmes's in retirement. It's sad, but at least we can still believe that Holmes misses Watson's company, that they're still friends who might write occasionally. I don't like Coules casting their separation in a new light, as Watson being in denial, and Holmes choosing to be estranged from him out of misanthropy.

Onto the other stories. ILLU starts with a scene of Kitty Winter finding out about Baron Gruner's book; unlike in the story, he throws her out of the house the same night. Desperate, she stumbles on Shinwell Johnson, and begs him not to hurt her. (She doesn't know yet that Johnson is a reformed guy just keeping up a criminal reputation.) I do like how this version fleshes out Kitty and "Porky" Shinwell. But I'm disappointed that Coules is actively cutting out slashy scenes like the Turkish bath. He also changed the setting. Originally, Watson dated ILLU in September of 1902. Instead Coules sets it on Edward VII's coronation day in August of 1902. Holmes and Watson then discuss the fact that Watson moved out a month ago to Queen Anne Street, and he would like Holmes to come to his wedding next month. Watson's bride is named Jean; possibly she's named after Jean Leckie, Doyle's second wife. Holmes grumbles, but promises to come to the wedding.

Then he invites Watson to stay for a case, and we get Sir James Damery explaining about Baron Gruner. Holmes introduces Watson to Johnson for the first time, and he brings Kitty Winter who reveals that she used to be respectable shopgirl before Gruner seduced her. There's a weird truncated Turkish bath scene, with Holmes groaning like he's being beaten; he's in the hot room with an attendant when Watson, fully dressed, comes with a message; so that's another clumsy attempt to remove any slashy subtext. I think Coules messes up the timeline too, because Watson tells Holmes about Gruner's trip to America before Holmes gets beaten up; this reverses the order in the original story, and it does not give Holmes enough time to recover from the beating. Anyway, Dr. Hill Barton, acid throwing, "the wages of sin" etc. This version implies that Holmes didn't bring Kitty Winter, that she somehow found out and rushed in at the right moment of the burglary. I guess they didn't want us to think Holmes was stupid enough to bring her, or else complicit in the vitriol attack.

By BLAN, Watson is now married to Jean and leaving for his honeymoon. Holmes does his best to wish the couple well. He only declines to go to the "wedding breakfast" because he has a case. Watson seems curious, before Jean pulls him back. So Holmes takes the case from James Dodd, while we get scenes of Dr. and Mrs. Watson traveling Europe. Watson even takes them to Reichenbach Falls in a weird scene; Watson claims he's trying to "put ghosts to rest" or some such nonsense. What it actually sounds like is that Watson is still in love with Holmes and feeling guilty about it. Crazy. Yet we still have flirty references to their happy honeymoon. Then Holmes brings the other doctor along, and Dodd asks if he's Dr. Watson, but Holmes says no, this is an old friend he met before Watson. Really, Holmes? You who have no other friends besides Watson and Victor Trevor? Anyway they see Godfrey Emsworth and find out he doesn't have leprosy after all. Then the Watsons return from their honeymoon to find that Holmes has written up the case himself. Nobody remarks on Holmes writing that Watson "deserted me for a wife" selfishly; they all act like it's a perfectly normal comment to make. They just argue about how Watson could have diagnosed the pseudo-leprosy too, if he'd been here. After their criticism, Holmes acts like he's not going to publish the case after all, even though he does. I know this story wasn't dramatized by Bert Coules, but clearly the other BBC Radio writer went along with the general plan of making Watson marry again and using this marriage to pad out a thin story. But I have no idea what the point of the Reichenbach scene is if you're trying to depict Watson as heterosexual.