I rewatched season 5 trying to understand the timeline. They keep saying that it's been two months since Cinco de Cuarto, but 2 months is technically July 4th, and episode 8 ends on July 2nd, so already it's patently WRONG. And they keep referring back to Lucille calling everybody back two weeks ago, then Lindsay quitting 1 week ago, so surely all that stuff should have taken place in June, NOT two months after May 4th. Why the fuck couldn't they just put dates on the episodes? Or if they redid the timeline in the editing room, and were going to do ADR anyway, why couldn't they have fixed the dialogue to say "1 month ago" instead of the freaking impossible "two months"? So sloppy.
My rewatch made me hate the first 4 episodes even more. I don't understand why Mitch had to double down on the WORST parts of season 4, the Rebel Alley love triangle and the awful conversations between Michael and GM where they tell escalating lies to each other. I mean, I zoned out of their "God laughs" conversation by the elevator as BORING and NONSENSICAL, and the only thing that snapped me out was the sudden hallway fight. Why did we have to suffer through the CRAP to get the good part? Why couldn't the crap be reduced to half, at least? And they doubled-down on Tobias as the jerk from hell, imposing his acting dream on somebody else. I already had enough of him destroying Debrie in season 4. What makes you think I want to see it again, on some bastard son that appeared out of nowhere? If he's going to be a jerk, at least let me see his comeuppance. Let Tobias go back to fucking jail for being a sex offender. He should have been fired for what he did to Debrie. Isn't Argyle there to fire him?
Mitch, I hate EVERY choice you made at the start of season 5. Why did you scatter everyone to Mexico only to bring them back later? They'd already been scattered for most of season 4; they should have been immediately back together in season 5, brought together by Buster's arrest. But no, you undid the arrest and delayed the murder mystery about Lucille Austero with a STUPID, STUPID missing person scheme. You killed all the fucking momentum and just had the family running around in circles, including GM's POINTLESS plot living with the Noahs in Mexico, when he already lived abroad in Spain in season 4. What the fuck makes you think I want to see him being a dumb American tourist, when you could have gone instead to the Fakeblock plot via P-Hound's lawsuit or Anonymous taking him down?! And to think, the Mexico crap was just to set up the Mexican Romney Family and the staircar photo. But that photo makes no damn sense! Why are there only two people there, and no Steve Holt? Where did the kids get the Brian and Ron wigs from? Michael bought those wigs on May 6th or so and he didn't see the kids again until "two months" later when the family reunited at the Austero penthouse. How the fuck did they get those wigs from him? And don't tell me that Maeby bought the wigs herself sometime when she worked at Imagine years ago. At the parade, Michael immediately assumes those are the wigs HE bought at the gift shop, and he kicks himself for it. So you made everybody go to Mexico for a fucking photo that doesn't even pay off correctly! Fuck you!
And there was some running theme, that all the family members were on the verge of emotional breakthroughs and better lives in Mexico, only to be called back by Lucille, as a villain who destroys people. But the family already lived without Lucille through most of season 4, and NO, they didn't become better people while free of her influence. They stayed the damaged, in-denial people they are. Lucille and George certainly raised them in a damaging way, but they already had their choice to be free of her. They didn't choose better.
Plus the writers got rid of a lot of the characters from season 4 like Perfecto, P-Hound and Argyle Austero with no explanation. I understand if you couldn't get the actors back, but at least give us some throwaway lines to explain where they went. Like maybe Perfecto went to live with Argyle since Lucille Austero disappeared. It looks really glaring that Stan Sitwell discovers "Annette" living in Lucille's condo but he doesn't think to even call her brother Argyle to ask about "Annette" moving here. I mean, come on! And why did Sally Sitwell and Tony Wonder have to disappear for two months, then come back? It would be different if the election was in November, but you made the election the same day as the July 2nd parade, so Sally is literally joining the campaign at the last moment, and she's doing it because her Dad suddenly believes Lindsay disappearing is a big secret, even though she quit her campaign and her family in public on a TV show. Nothing makes any sense. It's all baffling and pointless, running around in circles instead of moving forward. If you really wanted to keep the Ron Howard plot, you didn't need to keep the love triangle with Rebel. You could have just said Ron was trying to change the movie to the true crime TV series, so he sent Kitty to the Bluths to get their signatures on the contracts. No need for fucking Rebel Alley once again.
Why didn't we spend all 8 episodes on Buster's arrest and the family trying to save him, hampered by Barry's incompetence? Why not discover the banana stand missing much earlier and send Gene Parmesan to find it? Why did we only get one episode of Lucille hinting about some awful incident in 1982, forcing her to pay off Buster with a ride in the parade? Why does she only hint once to Michael about what he doesn't understand or know about the family's past? If they had to introduce a new family member, why not sissy cousin Larry or their alcoholic aunt who slept with George once? Why not show new memories of when Tracey was alive instead of killing her off earlier? Why did you make so much of this season about regression, never moving the plot forward? Why didn't we see more of Lottie Dottie DA, to at least give her a backstory or personality like Dustin Radler?
God, the only thing I loved was Maeby, (and GM with her, but not him in Michael's plot) and GOB, but even then we were punished with the cliffhanger about Tony Wonder. What the fuck, Mitch? Do you get off on being withholding? You want to make us suffer to get any scraps of good stuff, and then you make it not worth it. If the 2nd half is as awful as this, it won't have been worth it.
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