Forgive an indulgence. I just remembered this sketch/story I wrote in 2011. It was a plot bunny on the Holmesslash mailing list, inspired by Chapter 2 of Valley of Fear, when Holmes speaks of breaking into Moriarty's office "with the most unexpected results." In fact, maybe I should call it "Unexpected Results" instead, since only the first chapter is about Moriarty and Moran? Sorry that I keep changing present tense to past tense and vice versa. It would take time for me to fully clean it up. I'll post the second chapter in a day or two.
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes
Story: chapter 1 of The Professor and the Colonel
Pairing: Moriarty/Moran, Holmes/Watson
Warnings: slash, internalized homophobia, gay sex not described explicitly
In December 1886, Holmes was still investigating Professor Moriarty, much to his frustration. He had told Watson about his suspicions in the summer, but could get no proof that could convince the Scotland Yarders. All he could come up with were speculations that Moriarty's chief of staff was Colonel Sebastian Moran, the former big game hunter. He needed proof.
Holmes twice contrives to come to Moriarty's study to ask him about his maths papers, but he leaves before meeting the professor face to face. It will be more useful to remain an unknown, and he at least saw the expensive painting that a mere professor could not possibly afford. Then one night, Holmes breaks in to examine the papers on his desk, with "unexpected results."
Moriarty suddenly returned through a secret passage, to make it look like he was still out at an appointment. Holmes hurriedly had to hide himself behind curtains or other screen.
Moriarty putters around the study, putting up Christmas decorations and whistling, strangely seeming happy. Then Moran enters, also through the secret passage. They smile and kiss under the mistletoe.
Holmes is shocked, but can do nothing, hoping they will withdraw to another room so that he can sneak out. (He had heard that Moriarty lost his chair at a university because of "dark rumours" but H thought it was only his participating in illegal schemes like the 18th century mastermind Jonathan Wild, to fund his love of art. But perhaps that only came after he lost his livelihood. Perhaps he was originally sent down for deviant affairs?)
Meanwhile Moran and Moriarty are being particularly passionate because it is an anniversary for them. They sit at Moriarty's desk and tease each other saucily. Calling each other "Colonel" and "Professor" while they lament having to keep their affair secret, and perhaps Moran jokes about being a "kept man" given that Moriarty pays his £6000 salary.
They make love in the chair, against the desk, and then on the tiger skin rug on the floor. Suddenly Holmes realizes that the rug is a present from Moran.
In a mathematical mood, Moriarty attempts to write a formula on him in chalk and compare Moran to an asteroid hurtling around the sun. When Moran protests, Moriarty falls back on quoting William Blake's 1794 poem,
TYGER, tyger, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
So sentimental despite their lust. Holmes tries not to see them, but can't help hearing them. He is surprised they are still so active at their age. [Moran was born in 1840 per EMPT, so is 46 now. Moriarty may be about the same.] H hopes they will soon fall asleep, so he can escape.
They keep talking, though. Moran even calls him "James", but his lover complains. Moran says, "I know you hate sharing your name with your two brothers. But you know I don't mean them any more than you mean your older brother when you call me Colonel."
Moriarty grumbles but accepts it, on their anniversary. Calls him "Tiger" again.
They still kiss. Saying wicked things and even mentioning Holmes.
"Do you think that nosy fool has managed to seduce his doctor yet?"
Moriarty says it's not likely. Watson was frequently seen courting females, and Holmes apparently always ran off to see his brother in Pall Mall. "So he seems an unlucky, sulky fool."
"Not necessarily. After all, Watson never marries the women." Moran speculates that they could be lovers, but Watson occasionally gets fed up with him and has affairs to make him jealous or teach him a lesson.
Moriarty says that either way, they shall continue to monitor them, so that there will be blackmail evidence should they need to discourage Holmes's detective pursuits in future.
Holmes is stunned that not only does Moriarty know who he is, but that he and Watson are imagined to be a couple. Quite disturbing. Once Moran and Moriarty finally settle down and exit to the professor's bedroom, Holmes sneaks out. Feels quite traumatized and needs to go get drunk to get the awful images out of his head.
When he finally comes home, he is dishevelled and cold and almost blind. Watson hugs him with concern and tries to get him warm. Asks him what happened, what case he was on. Holmes stammers, but can't explain.
Maybe Holmes mentions Moran's name, and Watson confesses that he once met Moran in Afghanistan. Got invited to a card game with Moran, but "there were rumours that if you lost to him, he'd ask you to pay your debt in an... untoward way."
Holmes is shocked, and realizes that the dark rumours about Moran in the army, and about Moriarty at university, were one and the same.
H finally confesses. "I saw--I saw the most unspeakable horror. I was searching Moriarty's desk when he suddenly returned to the office and I hid."
"Oh Holmes! Did he hurt you?"
"No he did not discover me. He was too busy... to notice. Colonel Moran arrived and they--they engaged in illegal acts."
"What?" Watson is not sure of Holmes's strange tone of voice.
Holmes swallows and closes his eyes. "They were... fornicating."
"Good lord." Watson is shocked. "Then the rumours were true. And you--you saw them?"
"I turned away, but I kept hearing them. Over and over, they wouldn't stop. Finally they left the room and I was able to escape." He sinks down looking sick. "Why can't I forget? I drunk all I could and I can't forget!"
Watson comforts him. "I'm so sorry, Holmes." After a moment he suggests that this might be a lucky break for his investigation. "Look on the bright side. Surely now that you know they are doing something illegal, we can report them to Scotland Yard and get them arrested?"
"On the charge of sodomy? For God's sake, they're murderers, kidnappers, and worse. Other criminals consult him to plan their schemes."
"I know we want them arrested for their larger crimes, but this can be an initial pretext so that Scotland Yard starts looking into them. They can be sent to prison and it can interfere with the running of Moriarty's organization. It may make it easier for you to obtain proof of their other crimes."
Holmes considers it, but frowns. "To convict them, I should have to testify how I learned they were fornicating. I broke into his office."
"Oh, well perhaps we can find proof of their relationship another way."
"I don't know. I just know I never want to hear or see that again."
"I understand." Watson gives him something to help him sleep. (Morphine? Laudanum)
Holmes goes to bed and remembers what Moran and Moriarty had said about him and Watson. So strange and illogical. But surely that's what depravity does to deviants, right? They think everyone else are as warped and immoral as they.
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