Phooey!

I'm now done with episode 14 of season 5. Things are uneven, with some funny lines and inspired moments, like Gob bulldozing the Fakeblock wall and the cousins comparing themselves to a "self-aware Lindsay" and a "minimally woke Michael" but there's also tiresome claptrap about lawyers and groan-worthy puns. I'm told there are numerous references to true crime shows like Making of a Murderer which I've never watched. I like crime as in detective mystery stories; I don't like serial killer obsessions and gore.

The beach house revelations about the Bluths are crazy and twisted, as expected, though annoying for how it upsets continuity. Even during the present 2015 time, the show can't be consistent, talking about Gob's two-week deadline to build a wall prototype, then a "month" when they want Fakeblock to make a profit, then Buster's trial in "3 weeks." Can't you even keep it straight for 1 episode? And what was the point of the Guilty Guys spending money eliminating suspects if they were just going to plea "guilty"? If they're so good at getting sentences, then why didn't they at least try to talk the 1st degree murder down to a lesser degree? Why the hell do we know more about the history and personality of those TV lawyers than we've ever got out of Lottie Dottie DA? All we get is Barry repeatedly calling her a "killer" who rarely loses, her singsong name, and Dustin Radler being her ex. No endless quirks to her like we had with Maggie Lizer or Jan Eagleman. If you really want us to be intimidated by a formidable opponent, you gotta flesh her out at least like a Wayne Jarvis.

Anyway, I'm also trying to find new mysteries to read now that I've run out Daisy Dalrymple books. I tried Maisie Dobbs, a psychologist and investigator in 1920s England, but the first book is so terrible. I thought we'd get interesting cases with her being a private eye, but no, the book emphasizes the "psychologist" part too much, and spends a dozen or so tedious chapters detailing her childhood and education, sponsored by a wealthy family, featuring a godawful condescending male teacher who speaks in riddles and effectively made Maisie Dobbs a special philanthropy project and experiment. I hate it! And the only two mysteries in the book are about a woman lying to her husband about her trips to a grave, and a pretty transparent cult/scam preying on wounded soldiers from WWI. And I have to question Maisie's or the narrator's morals when they seem so happy about lying and faking illness in the horses to save them from being conscripted for the war. Sure, nobody wants to lose their horses to the war; but why should you be special, and not make a sacrifice just like everyone else? Just because you're rich? And Maisie's talk with her wounded ex-love Simon was manipulative claptrap. You know what, Maisie, I DON'T forgive you for abandoning him and forgetting about him for years, only to suddenly grow a conscience after your case.

Honestly, the Daisy Dalyrmple books like Anthem for Doomed Youth, Daisy's fiancé Michael who was a conscientious objector, as well as a variety of wounded characters in several books, had far more affecting genuine emotion and moral complexity about the war than anything in Maisie Dobbs. Boo to a terrible writer and a terrible character! Even Unmentionables covered the war better, and I didn't like it that much.

So many retcons

I've only seen 3 of the new Arrested Development episodes. I feel too apathetic to binge all of Season 5B at once because I found 2 out of the 3 episodes so tedious to get through. I hate Tobias's storyline. I hate the goddamn border wall which has suddenly been twisted around again now that Sally's won the election and is now for the wall. An election, I might add, which somehow took place the same day as the July 2nd parade even though all the streets would be blocked for the parade. I mean, a July election is bad enough, but what the fuck, is this some kind of satirical implied joke that the GOP election strategy is to minimize voters so they can win? And it somehow backfired with the nominal Democrat Sally Sitwell winning?

Plus the writers fucking retcon so many things for no reason at all. Season 5 shows the model home alone, surrounded by grass, when in season 4 there was an entire neighborhood of Sudden Valley homes. Then, even though the July 2nd parade ended with Buster's escape and Stan Sitwell being run over, Michael and the rest of the Bluths somehow went to the model home ignorant of those events until they saw them on TV. Moreover, they had set up a party already, expecting Buster to be released from jail, even though Michael didn't find out about Buster being released until Lotti Dottie, the DA told him DURING the parade. I thought that Lottie Dottie would go after Buster to punish him for escaping with Oscar, but the show brushes it aside as nothing but a $75 paperwork fine. They don't give a crap about him escaping early and injuring Stan Sitwell. So that makes Buster's plot with Oscar pointless. I mean, that's what makes the show so frustrating lately, because things don't matter, then they do, then they don't with the next rewrite. After all that crap about the photo of the staircar, and Lottie Dottie threatening to go after Buster if they found evidence...

Michael was working at Search in season 4 and early season 5, but now the show just wants him back running the Bluth Company, so George tells him they absorbed Sudden Valley, and Michael acts like he doesn't have to go back to work at Search at all. Then back at the Bluth Company (which he signed away all his rights to in season 4) Michael tries to get Fakeblock into the same building because he creepily wants to absorb GM into his life for 24/7 oversharing. I hate it and I hate that their conversations are so repetitive, boring, and include Rebel Alley because Mitch refuses to kill this damn plotline. Fuck you, Mitch!

SPOILERS FOR WHOLE SEASON

Pi Day

Happy Pi Day. Recently I found some pastry pie crusts that don't use palm oil in them, so I've bought fillings and will probably make a pie tonight. There are some cake recipes I want to try eventually too. Apparently even this math day is becoming a commercialized holiday with pizza and pie specials at various chains.

I'm disappointed in Beto O'Rourke running for president. He's abandoning us Texans by not going after the other Senate seat. Maybe he's afraid he can't win that and he'd do better nationally, but it feels too soon for me. Well if he wants to jump into that crowded 2020 field, we'll see how he does against other Democrats. Maybe he can at least keep focus on the border wall and the detention camps. I hope somebody else steps up to run for Cornyn's seat. Was it Joaquin Castro who said he would?

Anyway, tomorrow is the Ides, so beware the new Arrested Development episodes. I've read a couple of reviews assuring us that there's closure, not cliff-hangers this time, but that overall the quality is just the same as the earlier season. More stuff about Tobias's fake family, the neverending wall, and Fakeblock, but no assurances about Tony Wonder coming back. I mean, I guess they could be trying to avoid spoiling a plot twist, but basically now I just want warning to prepare myself for an unhappy ending. I don't want shitty clips about Gob fumbling email just like he fumbles business phones. We got fucking murders and disappearances to worry about, and you think that shit is funny, Mitch? Tell me that you ended the Rebel Alley story at least, even if you insist on involving Ron Howard for more tiresome meta jokes. As expected, Lindsay is going to be absent too, which they're trying to spackle over using Debrie I guess. And the guest stars cast as younger Lucille and George probably mean they're going to explain the hints about a 1982 July 4th parade where Buster did something terrible that has to be kept secret. Yet another murder?

Upcoming Movies

The third Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes movie got pushed back to 2021. I'm skeptical once again that it will ever get made. It feels like it's been too long anyway. Maleficent 2, however, is getting released earlier. I hope it will be good.

Meanwhile, Acorn bought the new Miss Fisher movie for its streaming platform. I hope that the theater release reaches me and that Acorn will sell a DVD to people who can't get their streaming service. A lot of fans funded the Kickstarter and will be hungry for it.

Speaking of 1920s lady detectives, I kind of wish somebody would make the Daisy Dalyrmple books into a TV show or movies, because the characters are so charming and I miss having light mystery shows without gore, serial killers, etc. Guess I'll have to settle for the latest Nancy Drew movie, since the repeated attempts at TV shows keep failing.