Well the rest of season 5 didn't show up on Netflix after all. It was just fan speculation and that "coming soon" tease. But after all, we had been hoping for episodes on Cinco, and they didn't come until nearly June. So maybe the second half will be weeks late as well.
There's an elaborate Cracked theory that Lindsay is Lucille Austero's daughter. While I'm glad to see people noticing that the Nichael birth certificate has the wrong gender, wrong birthdate, and wrong birthmother--basically everything on it is wrong--I think that Cracked's theory is farfetched and "cracked" if you will. After all, Lucille Austero could simply be dyeing her hair black because she doesn't want to have grey/white hair that makes her look old. There are other fan theories out there, like Tracey Bluth still being alive, or Murphybrown being Tony Wonder's nephew.
All these people think that these clues have been hidden and seeds planted in the way that Buster losing his hand was foreshadowed in seasons 1-2. And sure, AD does like doing long-range background jokes like that. But they've also retconned stuff and ignored Maeby and GM's marriage for two seasons now. They're not infallible and they mess up quite a bit of continuity at their convenience. (They're totally inconsistent on whether one family member --Tobias in season 2, Michael in season 5--can sign away rights for the whole family, or whether each person needs to sign the contracts--season 4.) And they do spiteful things like deporting Annyong for no reason.
Season 5 seems to be trying to hint that something happened in 1982, something blackmail worthy, and Lucille ended up bribing Buster by letting him ride in the July 4th parade that year. It's why Lucille objects to Ron Howard's TV series, because she thinks it will dig up buried family secrets. Apparently they've got something to tell us, but I'm pretty apathetic and almost expecting the secret to be a huge disappointment. Like the fucking staircar photo that makes not one ounce of sense, and becomes instantly moot because of Buster's prison escape. It doesn't matter who's in the photo, because now Buster's a fugitive!
Uggh. I'm not watching this show for some huge twist to be revealed at the end. I just want a wrapup of the murder mystery, a Gob/Tony ending, and some closure like the way that Development Arrested wrapped up the series in season 3. I don't want Lost conspiracy shit or the stupid "Live" gimmick Mitch talked about in his magazine interview. Mitch, doing that would mean that you officially became the idiot network rating stunt that you were parodying in S.O.B.s. Do you not see that? Why do you retread bad old jokes? Why can't you move the fucking story forward instead of spinning your wheels going nowhere? We fucking waited years for this. End the fucking movie you've been talking about all this time. Fix it, Mitch, and don't come back begging for a 6th season. I won't be there. I'm tired of these episodes not being worth it.
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